The Hills Season 5

So, I watched the first two episodes of The Hills 5th season last night, and yes I'm aware it aired on Monday night, but I do not schedule my life around Lauren Conrad's melodramatic behavior and Heidi Montag's out of control relationship with Spencer Pratt. Let me start by saying, it was absolutely brutal having to look at Lauren's face while she was celebrating her birthday.... on a YACHT!.... that she didn't even appreciate!...If my girlfriend's planned a surprise party for me on a yacht... the very least I could do would be to pretend to be happy about it, but apparently when you're Lauren Conrad the only thing bigger than the yacht is you're sense of entitlement. Anyway, back to my main grievance....her face….specifically that awful shade of red lipstick. Now let's give her some credit, red lipstick is a hard thing to pull off and the wrong shade can have you looking more like Marilyn Manson than Marilyn Monroe. And I do understand she was trying to be glam with those pearls and the wavy hair but seriously, she should have put that effort into choosing the right shade. Because at the end of the day, that colour just didn't work.

Now, since I am airing grievances, in the spirit of fairness I have other issues with some of the actors…ahem...cast members....Firstly Audrina, how dare you not invite Justin Bobby to Lauren's birthday? Justin Bobby is the person who makes the show worth watching! Do you actually think we watch the show to see Lauren Conrad complain about a rumor spread 4 seasons ago? No, we watch because we want to see how badly Justin Bobby is going to treat you and how he will convince you to love it. Also - we sometimes watch because of Brody Jenner - yeah, I said it. He is kind of attractive, sometimes. Not so much in this episode though....did you see how he attacked Lauren's cake? Next I would like to thank Lo Bosworth for leaving her hair down and covering her large ears. Thank you Lo; please keep your hair down at all times.

Now last and most certainly not least you know I have to bring Heidi into this...Heidi to me is fantastic because she is living proof that only in America can you be impossibly bad at five occupations simultaneously and still make piles of money. Anyway, is it me or does that girl's hair just gets bigger and bigger each time we see her? I mean really....Heidi…relax with the extensions, your hair is beginning to look like a lion's mane. Oh, and please ditch Spencer...his face makes me ill.

One last issue I have is that The Hills as whole could be so much more entertaining if they would just pursue more intresting storylines...they seem to do this somewhat effectively on The City but somehow they can't on The Hills and almost everything has to center around Lauren Conrad versus Speidi. Lauren, get over it! She apologized with CHANEL! When people apologize with Chanel it means that they are really really sorry!! Give the girl a break...look at her boyfriend/fiancé she really doesn't have a lot going for her.

That is all.

For now anyway....