The Hills Drama!!

So, I attempted to keep my mouth shut for sooo long and I've come to the conclusion it's really not going to work out. This episode was just too good. Crazy girls everywhere! Let's start from the very beginning with Heidi aka crazy girl #1...Oh, Heidi...you sweet stupid girl. Sweetheart, you really need to learn...if you are going to go through your man's phone to read his texts, at least have the sense to not delete them! I mean, don't you want to know if he is going to respond before you go wild?! Maybe, Spencer was going to behave.....haha, negative..he would have gone to H.Wood behind your back and creeped around with Stacie "the bartender". I love how she goes to H.Wood just to see if he would be there with her...well, honey..he probably would have if he had gotten the text inviting him to go...So what the hell are you doing going?! Clearly she wanted to get up in Stacie's face. Side note, is it just me, or do Stacie's friends look a lot like her?Am I the only one who finds that a little odd? Anyway back to Heidi and Spencer, why are these two still going to therapy? Isn't this a sign that maybe they shouldn't be together? That being said, I don't really want them to stop going, because they are just so entertaining! It's like watching 5 year olds fight. I have to love Heidi for trying to justify her stalker-ish ways though. Heidi, the therapist is never going to agree that going through Spencer's phone was cool, but I am sure your girlfriends aka Stephanie and your sister will agree that you weren't out of line. Save yourself some money and talk to them instead. Spencer can go discuss his relationship issues with Charlie, who, by the way, looks like he's pushing 40.

Moving on from one dysfunctional relationship to the next...Brody and Jayde aka crazy girl #2. So, if you watched the last episode, you know that in Hawaii, Audrina "slept" in Brody's bed. Now all 10 of us watching over the age of 12 know exactly what happened here but I'm gonna play Nancy Drew for just a moment. Now what I'd like to know is if she just "slept" in Brody's bed, why would he have told his friend that he cheated on his girlfriend the very next day. Obviously something isn't adding up here. Now fast forward to my favourite hot mess, Jayde, oh and did I mention she's angry. Now Jayde hates Audrina and Audrina being that special little girl that she is, isn't exactly the brightest of lightbulbs so she decides to make an appearance at a little house gathering. Now this being the first time that Jayde and Audrina are together, after the whole "sleeping" incident, obviously this doesn't go well. Jayde flies off the handle with the help of her playmate posse(what a surprise) and all hell breaks loose. But really what was she expecting? Audrina pretty much provoked the entire thing by blowing kisses at Brody upon her arrival. Seriously Audrina? a bit of a stupid move, no? Anyway after the altercation, Jayde decides to drown her sorrows by taking a giant swig out of a Jager bottle. Classy. And what is this with the Jager everywhere it's like these girls should have it on an IV drip. Moving on to the club. Again, another altercation takes place and immediately Jayde reaches for old faithful. You little lush. Now the real victim in all this in my eyes is Brody because lest face it, he's the one who has to clean up that Hot Mess. I almost actually felt bad for him this episode, until ofcourse he went on his little date and started whining to Lauren about how Audrina only "slept" in his bed. Riiiiiiight...(insert collective eyeroll here) Seriously Brody if you're going to lie to us at least put some effort in.

Now before getting to my to my last point..one more thing...Stephanie...please don't ever use the word gnarly again....EVER!...honestly....we can barely tolerate you without the adlibs

Ok so to tie this into the theme of my blog. As per usual, I have a problem with Lauren's face. Specifically, what was going on in the lip area...No, the red lipstick did not make an appearance this time...infact it was far worse...there was nothing..NOTHING.. on her lips....you could have struck a match off them they were so dry... and of all things dry lips?!

Honey, you are on television... that's inexcusable...seriously...do something...don't make me tell you again...

ok..

i'm done...

for now

The Hills Season 5

So, I watched the first two episodes of The Hills 5th season last night, and yes I'm aware it aired on Monday night, but I do not schedule my life around Lauren Conrad's melodramatic behavior and Heidi Montag's out of control relationship with Spencer Pratt. Let me start by saying, it was absolutely brutal having to look at Lauren's face while she was celebrating her birthday.... on a YACHT!.... that she didn't even appreciate!...If my girlfriend's planned a surprise party for me on a yacht... the very least I could do would be to pretend to be happy about it, but apparently when you're Lauren Conrad the only thing bigger than the yacht is you're sense of entitlement. Anyway, back to my main grievance....her face….specifically that awful shade of red lipstick. Now let's give her some credit, red lipstick is a hard thing to pull off and the wrong shade can have you looking more like Marilyn Manson than Marilyn Monroe. And I do understand she was trying to be glam with those pearls and the wavy hair but seriously, she should have put that effort into choosing the right shade. Because at the end of the day, that colour just didn't work.

Now, since I am airing grievances, in the spirit of fairness I have other issues with some of the actors…ahem...cast members....Firstly Audrina, how dare you not invite Justin Bobby to Lauren's birthday? Justin Bobby is the person who makes the show worth watching! Do you actually think we watch the show to see Lauren Conrad complain about a rumor spread 4 seasons ago? No, we watch because we want to see how badly Justin Bobby is going to treat you and how he will convince you to love it. Also - we sometimes watch because of Brody Jenner - yeah, I said it. He is kind of attractive, sometimes. Not so much in this episode though....did you see how he attacked Lauren's cake? Next I would like to thank Lo Bosworth for leaving her hair down and covering her large ears. Thank you Lo; please keep your hair down at all times.

Now last and most certainly not least you know I have to bring Heidi into this...Heidi to me is fantastic because she is living proof that only in America can you be impossibly bad at five occupations simultaneously and still make piles of money. Anyway, is it me or does that girl's hair just gets bigger and bigger each time we see her? I mean really....Heidi…relax with the extensions, your hair is beginning to look like a lion's mane. Oh, and please ditch Spencer...his face makes me ill.

One last issue I have is that The Hills as whole could be so much more entertaining if they would just pursue more intresting storylines...they seem to do this somewhat effectively on The City but somehow they can't on The Hills and almost everything has to center around Lauren Conrad versus Speidi. Lauren, get over it! She apologized with CHANEL! When people apologize with Chanel it means that they are really really sorry!! Give the girl a break...look at her boyfriend/fiancé she really doesn't have a lot going for her.

That is all.

For now anyway....